The Abandonment Wound

Do you have the abandonment wound?

This wound is considered a universal wound because it affects pretty much most of us to some degree. Once we familiarise ourself with it, it’s easy to see why. It’s also considered to be an inner child wound because its roots are in the first years of our life.

The abandonment wound can come about for many reasons. Perhaps one of your parents was not present, or, even when they physically were, there was a lack of emotional connection, so you didn’t feel like they were really there for you.

This can also come about when a parent or main care-giver dies. The abandonment wound often leads to a deep feeling of loneliness, and being emotionally dependent on your partners, or your closest friends. You might feel that you just can’t manage on your own.

The abandonment wound can create a fear of rejection and a fear of loneliness which means you will do anything to prevent experiencing abandonment again.

This could mean that you will be the one who does the abandoning or rejecting – of partners, projects – which means that things don’t tend to reach their potential, or completion. You might be someone who’s brilliant at starting new projects, but no so great at finishing them. In effect, you’re abandoning yourself.

Common fears from the Abandonment Wound

The abandonment wound can also trigger certain fears;

  • Fear of being rejected
  • Fear of not being good enough
  • Fear of not being worthy
  • Fear of loneliness or isolation
  • Fear of doing nothing or being lazy
  • Fear of being undesirable

This might lead to the use of guilt and coercion as you try to protect yourself from being abandoned.

How the abandonment wound shows up

Here are some of the ways the abandonment wound shows up;

  • You smother others with your needs to be looked after and NOT abandoned
  • You make yourself dependent on other people, you become a burden.
  • Problems with independent functioning and fear of loneliness.
  • You might find yourself crying alone, sometimes for hours on end, and you’re not always sure why
  • You have a victim mindset – believing in bad luck, causing dramas and/or diseases, thinking that the world/universe is making your life hard (that’s it’s not your fault)
  • You dial up your suffering to attract attention
  • You are susceptible to celebrity behaviour, constantly talking about yourself
  • You have problems with making decisions and acting independently
  • You resist the advice of others
  • Your moods are very changeable
  • You have problems ending relationships, because you need to have someone there to look after you
  • You might use guilt – you owe, I did that for you, you need to be there for me – you need to do this with me

How to heal the abandonment wound

As with other wounds like this, it can be useful to consider the various aspects of this wound.

The root of the wound

At its core is the root; the root event or the origin of the wound. This is not as straightforward as it might sound. Yes there might be an event that’s the first one in your life where this was experienced. But the chances are you won’t be able to remember it. You might have been less than a day old, or even in utero when it happened.

Or, as I’m finding so much with my clients, the wound is one that you’re carrying from previous times. By that I mean your previous lives, or from your ancestors.

Due to the universality of these experiences, once you start considering your ancestors’ life experiences and your previous lives, the number of experiences that have built up over time around a certain theme can be quite considerable. This means that it won’t take much of an event in your current life to add to the wound, and embed in your current life.

The meanings you’ve inferred

An important aspect of the wound is how you’ve made sense of it. What meanings have you come up with to rationalise this wound and ‘make it ok’ or acceptable for you?

These meanings will be unique to each of us, but could include things like;

“if I leave people before they leave me, then they can’t leave me”
“Nobody supports me, so I won’t support anyone else”
“Once they leave, they won’t come back – I can’t let that happen”

The internal conflicts

Then there are the conflicts that have arisen as a result of this wound being in place. So for the abandonment wound it’s going to be things like

your need for independence VS your need to have someone there for you (dependence)
Your need for company and companionship VS your fear of being abandoned/rejected

When there are conflicts like this we struggle to find a place where both positions can be satisfied. Once we heal both aspects, we’re much better able to find a place whereby we can be independent AND have people around you who care for you.

Healing these conflicts is an important part of healing wounds like this because they act as the glue that holds the root and the wound in place. They connect the wound to other wounds, and make all the wounds a lot harder to shift. I think of these conflicts like the glue that holds the wounds in place. Get rid of the glue and the various wounds can be healed much more easily.

Recommended Head Trash Clearances

If you want to heal some of the typical conflicts that come up as a result of the abandonment wound, this is a great place to start with your Head Trash Clearance.

  • loneliness
  • abandonment, being abandoned
  • rejection, being rejected
  • independence
  • dependence
  • being a victim
  • making decisions
  • sadness
  • being a burden

Would you like to heal this wound?

I’ve created a Wound Healing Activation for the Abandonment wound. These Wound Healing Activations have been created so that you can start healing your emotional wounds yourself.

My Wound Healing Activations include;

Wound Healing Journal

My Wound Healing Journal includes lots of prompts to help you explore this wound in yourself. The questions help you to explore the various facets of our emotional wounds so that you can better understand where the wound may have come from, who’s connected to it for you, and how it shows up for you.

My Wound Healing Journal also helps you to track your healing as you work through healing the wound.

Mini-masterclass on the Wound

I’ve created a video on this wound to help you think through how the Neglect wound might be showing up for you. Watch this with the Wound Healing Journal to hand so that you can make notes and identify the various aspects of this wound you need to heal.

Healing Activation Session Audio MP3

This is a Wound Healing Activation audio that will explore the various aspects of this wound. This is deep working audio healing activation that will activate the healing within you by releasing a lot of the deeply buried memories and conflicts. This audio is equivalent to a session with me.

The Abandonment Wound

Head over to here check out my Wound Healing Activations

Explore other universal wounds

The Abandonment Wound is one of many universal wounds that we all suffer from. Find out more about these in these related blog posts

Healing audio tracks for all of these wounds can be found in The Clearance Club. The Clearance Club is a vault of head trash clearance resources to help you free your mind of stresses and anxieties, and let go of those things that getting in the way of your happiness.

Alexia Leachman
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