The Judgement Wound

Do you have the judgement wound?

You feel eyes on you, even when there’s no one in the room. You don’t need other people to judge you, because you do it yourself just fine.

So, you play the judge, victim, and court all by yourself. The voices in your head hold you accountable for every move, passing harsh verdicts against your actions.

You don’t need anyone else anymore – your mind is your own enemy.

Sound familiar?

Welcome to the judgement wound.

How Does the Judgement Wound Come About?

This wound can develop at any stage in life. Children may develop it faster than adults because the younger the mind, the more impressionable it is.

Remember, children become who they believe they are. So, if another person (like a parent, teacher, family member, or peer) passes a harsh judgement about them, they will absorb the information like a sponge.

What’s worse is that such children typically grow into teenagers with the same judgement wound. As a result, they may hold themselves back from trying new things out of fear of failure. For example, a child who was harshly criticised for their poor taste in music may refuse to explore learning the piano as a teenager.

Such self-sabotaging behaviour is a result of the judgement wound. It prevents us from exploring new terrains out of fear of failure, and the harsh judgement that follows – be it external judgement, or internal.

It can arise during adulthood

The judgement wound isn’t limited to just kids and teens. You can develop this wound during adulthood, too!

Judgemental environments and unforgiving experiences can cultivate the judgement wound in adults.

Here are some prominent ways this wound can develop:

In the Workplace

  • When working under a harsh boss who gives abundant negative feedback with little to no appreciation
  • As a result of toxic co-workers who judge your performance or choices
  • Due to unreasonable deadlines and consequent failure to meet goals…resulting in harsh self-judgement and low self-esteem

In Romantic Relationships

  • Being surrounded by negative talk and judgy statements from a partner
  • After hearing harsh judgements about your personality
  • Developing body dysmorphia due to body-shaming during intimacy
  • Being shamed for being “dramatic” or “too emotional” instead of being comforted by your partner
  • Being gaslighted into thinking you’re a failure, and then being unfairly judged for it

 

Common Fears Associated with the Judgement Wound

Naturally, this wound is characterised by a strong fear of judgement. But there’s more to the story than is initially obvious.

Here are some common fears associated with the judgement wound:

  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of “not being good enough” (low self-esteem)
  • Fear of confrontation, particularly when it can lead to criticism

 

How this wound shows up

You have the judgement wound if you:

  • live in constant fear of rejection, criticism, and judgement
  • judge or reject yourself before anyone else can
  • you’re your own worst critic
  • avoid confrontation like the plague
  • withdraw from something you feel judged around
  • grew up in an unwelcoming, judgemental environment
  • are currently working or living with people who criticise others instead of supporting them in their struggles
  • get upset (triggered) or withdrawn if you feel criticised
  • feel unsafe to be who you truly are – so you hide it
  • have self-judgement around self, work, body, income etc
  • fear judgement from others
  • worry what other people think

 

Typical Beliefs Arising From this Wound

Individuals with the judgement wound see themselves as “lesser beings” who are prone to failure. Ironically, they may simultaneously believe that they must be able to complete Herculean tasks without flinching.

This is because people with the judgement wound spent their lives hearing negative feedback from their loved ones or peers. They then try to compensate for their perceived failures by overachieving.

The judgement wound leaves even the most talented people with feelings of low self-esteem.

But fear not! Like any wound, the pain of judgement can be healed, too.

Healing the Judgement Wound using Head Trash Clearance

A good place to start in healing these wounds is to heal the conflicts that are present. These are these tug-of-wars that show up that pull you in different directions. A part of you wants The Thing, but you also hate that thing so you seek the opposite thing.

The conflicts around the judgement wound could be things like

  • Being judged vs judging others
  • Being critical vs being criticised
  • Being judged vs being accepted
  • Obtaining approval vs being rejected
  • Being liked vs not being liked
  • Being talked about vs being ignored
  • Being looked at vs being overlooked

In terms of clearances, your head trash clearance to-do list could look like this:

  • Being judged
  • Being critical
  • Being liked
  • Being accepted
  • Being rejected
  • Being talked about
  • Being ignored

Would you like support in healing this wound?

This month we are going to be diving into this wound in the Clearance Club. You can join us and get the support you need to heal the various aspects of the judgement wound.
As a member of the Clearance Club, you can join us for the member calls every month to get support and guidance on healing your head trash, and uncovering your hidden wounds.

Alexia Leachman
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