People Pleasing & Setting Boundaries, with Melissa Mahon

On this episode we dive into the world of people-pleasing and boundaries – a complex issue many of us face, whether we realise it or not.

To help me, I was joined by Melissa Mahon, a true gem who has personally journeyed through overcoming people-pleasing tendencies.

During this conversation we explored the root causes of people-pleasing, discussing the effects – even physical symptoms – it can have on your life and how we can begin to address them through things like self-awareness and mental health support.

Dealing with People Pleasing

We kicked off our chat by examining the idea of people pleasing. Picture those moments when you say yes, when you really mean no. Or when you feel guilt when you prioritise your needs.

That, my friends, is people pleasing. It’s an unnecessary sense of obligation, often expressed through a sense of transactionality, influencing others’ behaviour to avoid conflict or dislike.

Boundaries Aren’t Barriers

During this conversation Melissa talked about how the ‘pleasing others’ mindset can lead to poor boundaries. Often, when we’re focused on keeping everyone else happy, we stop setting personal limits.

We might even start taking on other people’s emotional problems and spread ourselves thin, both emotionally and time-wise.

Melissa wisely pointed out that to combat this, we need to champion our own needs. She highlighted that setting boundaries for self-care is a vital step in managing people pleasing tendencies, and that it’s not inherently selfish. It’s survival and it is essential.

Confidence Comes from Action, Not Inaction

Melissa made an interesting point about confidence. She believes – and I wholeheartedly agree – that confidence comes from taking action and making choices. And I must add, making choices that are right for you, not everyone else. It’s often a process, and it doesn’t always come naturally, especially if people pleasing has been your coping mechanism. It’s tied to the limited sense of identity people-pleasers often have, making it a tricky but necessary component to their healing.

Healing from the Roots

The star of the show, however, was when we steered our conversation to the ideas of self-awareness and authenticity. If you’re struggling with people pleasing, it’s crucial to understand your personal values. You need to grasp the foundation of self-awareness to move towards authenticity.

Don’t let fear of the unknown hold you hostage. Embrace small changes, which can progressively build evidence towards your growth.

During our enlightening discussion, we also ventured into the realm of the nervous system. Melissa shared how healing from people pleasing tendencies could regulate your nervous system, allowing you to respond to situations mindfully.

Join the Healing Journey

Such a transformation can open up a world of advantages. Lasting peace, less reactivity, and improved decision-making – just to name a few. I wouldn’t want anyone missing out on that, which is why I have something special for you.

Allow me to formally invite you to join my self-healing community, the Clearance Club. This inclusive club is everything you need to clear your head trash and heal wounds. With monthly group calls, the Clearance Club is a collaborative journey to mental and emotional freedom. If this sounds like something you want to be a part of, seek to learn more at https://clearyourheadtrash.com/club/.

Be Your Own Advocate

Remember, the journey to overcoming people pleasing isn’t just about learning to say no. It’s an exploration into feelings of worthiness, past traumas and limiting beliefs. The objective is not to shun others but to advocate for yourself with the same compassion you’ve always shown others. This journey won’t just transform you; it might even inspire those around you, too.

As always, don’t hesitate to reach out, and lots of love & healing till next time. ❤️

About Melissa

Melissa is a Boundaries and Empowerment Coach with a passion for helping her clients overcome people pleasing and burnout to live a life that actually feels good to them. She’s a former registered massage therapist who saw over and over in her massage clients the physical toll that self abandoning and people pleasing was taking on the bodies of her clients.

Tired of putting bandaids on people’s physical symptoms but never getting to the roots, she turned to coaching and found her passion in helping create the change she wanted to see in the world.

Connect with Melissa:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/solfirecoaching
Facebook: www.facebook.com/solfirecoach
Website: www.solfirecoaching.com

Episode Time Stamps

00:00 “Unpacking people pleasing with queen Melissa”
04:25 Transition from people pleaser to impactful coach.
07:52 Behaviour shaped to please others, lack boundaries.
10:12 Poor boundaries cause detrimental impact on self.
13:18 Be kind to yourself, treat yourself gently.
16:49 Various forms of trauma impact people differently.
19:23 Mums’ sacrifices shape our attitudes and behaviours.
25:42 Setting boundaries brings peace and open dialogue.
29:16 People pleasing leads to overworking and imbalance.
30:50 Setting boundaries at work can be challenging.
35:58 Prepare, cover yourself, communicate effectively, take responsibility.
38:32 Lack of identity leads to confidence issues.
40:21 Establish strong sense of self before setting boundaries.
45:40 Understanding roots, boundaries, self-discovery, authenticity crucial. Learning body’s response key to overcoming people-pleasing.
46:26 Understanding panic reactions and learning to regulate.
50:00 Join my 14-day healing experience from March 19th.