In this week’s episode, I dive into a rich and candid conversation with Allen. Our focus? Allen’s fascinating and transformative journey to self-regulation.
Allen, with his openness and vulnerability, shared his deeply personal experience of seeking self-regulation as a means to cope with the challenges that life was throwing his way.
Allen’s powerful four-year journey to self-regulation, began amid business closures and a challenging divorce, and propelled him into a profound process of self-rebuilding.
What is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is sometimes referred to as nervous system regulation, the concept of emotional regulation is the capacity to feel secure within yourself. It enables you to actively engage with life’s complexities and choose your responses to life’s triggers and challenges.
Basically you’re able to stay calm in the face of things that might have otherwise knocked you off your perch. In my language this is being unfuckwithable. I’ve written a blog post on that which you can read here
READ THE BLOG: What is it to be unfuckwithable?
Trauma, Belief Systems and Archetypes
The conversation delved into many of my favourite topics as we ventured into the intertwined threads of trauma, belief systems, and archetypes, uncovering how these elements shape our behaviours and perceptions.
Allen also shares with us his journey in confronting and reshaping various traumas, including ancestral and in utero trauma, highlighting the profound impact of our early and childhood experiences.
What struck a chord with me was his poignant account of isolation during a particularly tricky period in his life, and how he channeled it into a profound inward journey. His insistence on “trauma hunting” and the unrelenting pursuit of inner clarity ignited a powerful sense of growth and self-understanding. Allen is my kind of human!
READ: Emotional Wounds and Behaviour Patterns: The Difference
Allen’s Self-Regulation Practices
The episode was topped off with Allen sharing his self-regulation practices, including meditation, engaging in substance-based ceremonies, and the use of devices like Apollo Neuro.
It’s so fascinating to hear how others integrate various tools into their healing and personal growth journeys.
Resources mentioned during this episode
In this episode, we discuss various resources and practices that have helped Allen in his personal growth journey towards self-regulation.
Here are the resources and practices mentioned:
1. Meditation: Allen talked about the importance of daily and weekly meditation as part of his self-care routine.
2. Journaling: Allen also mentions journaling for presence and personal growth. Also known as reflective writing, it can help you to process your thoughts, emotions, and experiences, leading to increased self-awareness and understanding.
3. Daily Supplements: Allen incorporates the use of daily supplements as part of his self-care routine, which may include vitamins or other health-enhancing products.
4. Supportive Community: Both Allen and myself talk about the value of having a community of support for the healing journey. This is why I provide my Head Trash Healers access to online communities so that they can get support on their healing journey.
5. Trauma Work and Exploration: Allen discusses the concept of “trauma hunting” with his wife, a process of exploring trauma to identify and address its impact on behaviour and mental well-being. This involves delving into conscious and unconscious trauma, including ancestral trauma, DNA trauma, and in utero trauma, and how it guides an individual’s emotional blueprint for life. If you’re interested in Trauma Hunting (and who isn’t??) then these you might be interested in these products from Head Trash;
Wound Healing Activations: These are healing MP3s that target specific life themes. they’ve been created to help you to release the emotional wounds you’re carrying around that theme.
Heal Your Childhood Wounds: Healing your core wounds from childhood – universal wounds we all share.
Anxiety Healing System: A self-paced anxiety healing system for you to restore your self-regulation.
6. Personal Development Retreats: In seeking personal exploration, Allen turned to personal development retreats as a resource to aid in his journey of self-discovery and growth.
7. Therapy: Therapy is mentioned as a valuable resource for personal exploration and healing. Seeking professional guidance can provide you with the support and tools you need to address your mental health challenges.
8. Reading and Podcasts: Allen turned to reading and podcasts as sources of knowledge and inspiration during his challenging times. Books and podcasts like mine can offer new perspectives and insights, aiding in personal growth and self-awareness.
9. Modalities and Substance-based Ceremonies: Allen mentions engaging in various modalities and substance-based ceremonies as part of his journey. These modalities may include alternative healing methods and rituals, and the use of substances can be within a therapeutic and intentional context.
10. Apollo Neuro: Allen talked about using the Apollo Neuro, a wearable device designed to improve resilience to stress, aid in relaxation, and regulate the nervous system. Incorporating technology into self-regulation practices can provide additional support for emotional well-being.
11. Supportive Partner: Allen emphasises the importance of having a supportive partner who can hold space for him. This supportive relationship dynamic can be a valuable resource for personal growth and emotional regulation.
Overall, this episode highlights the importance of a multifaceted approach to self-regulation and emotional well-being. There is huge value in combining traditional and alternative resources, as well as the significance of community and personal support in the journey of personal growth and healing.
Episode Time Stamps
00:00 Alan’s journey from rock bottom to success.
04:37 Feeling safe inside regardless of outside circumstances.
08:50 Struggled in marriage, now co-parenting. Stressful transition.
10:24 Had lawsuits, sold shares at low value.
14:13 Exploring new communities and modalities on journey.
17:11 Questioning led to self-discovery and alignment.
22:40 Resist urge to fix, allow others’ struggles.
26:28 Try different things and daily practices for growth.
28:36 App provides various functions to calm and energise.
33:36 People need to talk before offering help.
35:18 Discussing the challenge of holding space in a fast-paced, digital world.
39:13 Unconscious trauma may start before age 5.
43:22 Unconscious trauma can feel like navigating in darkness.
43:56 Neglected as a child, leading to negative beliefs.
49:00 Discovering personal patterns leads to valuable insights.
51:12 Daily meditation, journaling, supplements, and community support.
53:27 Preparing for big event in January 2024.
Episode Transcript
Alexia Leachman [00:00:06]:
the Head Trash Healing Show with me, Alexia Leachman author of Clear Your Head Trash and developer of Head Trash Clearance, a potent healing tool that’s easy to use. Head Trash is the home of healing where you can access the self healing tools and resources to help you improve your mental fitness, emotional well-being, and accelerate your spiritual growth. This podcast is where I like to share insights, stories and interviews to inspire you on your healing journey. And now for today’s show. Hello, and welcome back to the Head Trash Healing Show. My Name is Alexi Leech, and thank you so much for joining me today. Now we kick off 2024 with a fabulous episode. So So today, I’m diving into the topic of self regulation.
Alexia Leachman [00:00:46]:
Now self-regulation is where you’re able to have that pause Between something happening and you reacting to it. It’s been able to regulate your behaviours, your thoughts, and your emotions. And it’s something that many people seek to achieve in their lives. Because when you are able to self regulate, You can reduce your anxiety and the overall stress that you experience day to day. So to help me dive into this topic, I’m gonna be joined by Alan. Now Alan recently claimed on Facebook that he had achieved the holy grail of self regulation. And while that might not be something that we achieve Fully, I, in every single moment of our lives. We certainly do notice a massive difference when we are able to self regulate.
Alexia Leachman [00:01:31]:
So I was curious. I wanted to know what did Alan do exactly to help him to go from a place where he clearly didn’t feel that he had that To where he felt that he did. What was that journey like? What did that healing journey look like? Alan’s life unraveled quite spectacularly, which is what Brought all this on for him. He had a number of companies that he had to close down. He was married, and it led to divorce. And so he was at an all time low and really needed to build himself back up. And this is what Alan talks about as part of our conversation, and he’s very open and honest and transparent with everything. I absolutely loved having this conversation with Alan because It is so wonderful to hear a turnaround story.
Alexia Leachman [00:02:15]:
You know, when somebody has been in the depths of despair and been able to turn that around, there’s something there for all of us to learn from, I think. So without further ado, here’s the time that I spoke to Alan all about his journey to self
Alexia Leachman [00:02:28]:
regulation. Hello, Alan. Welcome to the podcast. How are you doing?
Allen [00:02:33]:
Thank you so much. I’m I’m great.
Alexia Leachman [00:02:36]:
You look great. You look so chill, so relaxed. That’s in a good place Now now we are gonna dive into talking about emotional regulation, sometimes called emotional self-regulation or maybe nervous System regulation, I think. Yeah. So the reason that we’ve that I’ve invited onto the show to talk about this is because you recently went on to Facebook and and announced that you would achieve the holy grail, which is emotional regulation. And so I invited you here, really, to hear about How how you achieve this? Because I know this is something that a lot of people will also want to achieve. And so I just wanna get into the story and how you did it, and hear about what does success look like for somebody who has achieved this epic, epic goal.
Allen [00:03:22]:
Oh, well, thank yeah. Okay. So just for clarity, I I didn’t achieve I it wasn’t a destination. Right? Like, I didn’t get there, and I wasn’t standing at the top of the mountain saying, I’ve done it. But I actually just mentioned the thing that I feel most proud of that I’ve been working on so diligently over the past 4 years has been Self-regulation or my nervous being able to regulate my own nervous system. That’s the thing that I have been, like, cultivating over and over and over. So it and let me just say it’s not I’m not done. Right? I’m not done by
Alexia Leachman [00:04:02]:
any chance. Are we ever done with this kind of work? I don’t think we are, are
Allen [00:04:07]:
No. I don’t think so. So, yeah, that’s that’s kind of, where What prompted this whole conversation is Yeah. You know? Let’s, let’s dive into, like, what that looks like.
Alexia Leachman [00:04:21]:
So what what so before we dive into that, what Is this [self-regulation]. Well, just so the people who are listening that aren’t super clear on what we’re talking about, what do you mean by emotional regulation or nervous system regulation? I mean, we can guess, but I do wanna hear it you know, how would you describe it?
Allen [00:04:37]:
Yeah. There’s there’s an there’s a bunch of different nuances associated with this [self-regulation]. So, like, If in the most simplest terms, it’s feeling safe inside of yourself regardless of any outside circumstances. And safety is is an interesting term, and I’m using that term deliberately because safety is different for every individual on planet Earth. Someone is going to feel safe in a different environment than other people. And having a regulated nervous system allows you to be more in choice and And what I like to call, like, an active participant in the world around you, externally and internally. So that you’re not super reactive to things that are going on in your environment. So by Having some sort of regulation, you can be more centered, be more calm, be more cool, collected.
Allen [00:05:37]:
And then from from that place, you can choose how you want to show up in In your life.
Alexia Leachman [00:05:46]:
So does that mean you’re not getting triggered? Does that mean you’re not getting annoyed by things in the same way? The the things are just kind of You like yeah. Well, I’m not gonna that that’s not gonna touch me now. I you know, I’m kind of I’m I’m I’m over this. I’m I’m I I don’t know. Is is that what that means? This ability to stay calm for you, this kind of things happen around you, there can be chaos potentially, but you’re able to kinda maintain a a level of stillness within that doesn’t get sucked into that drama, sucked into the chaos. Is that how you describe it?
Allen [00:06:17]:
I I would say yes. It would allow you to have a more neutral approach to things that might have triggered you in the past. Right? Cool. It doesn’t mean that you’re 100% Gone of triggers, but the triggers that used to trigger you before, you can actually embody, and that and they don’t bother you anymore. Yeah. But, like, an evolution, like I said, this is not done. Things that used to trigger me before don’t trigger me now, and the things that didn’t trigger me before, I’m all of a sudden getting triggered now. So it’s like it’s like a it’s this interesting game that we’re playing.
Alexia Leachman [00:06:51]:
Yeah. Yeah. No. It’s so interesting, isn’t it? And so when you get triggered now Mhmm. How are you finding that now you does your trigger response, does that show up slightly differently now, or is it still a similar kind of reactive response to where it was before. Like, are you when you are getting these moments where the the world does affect you, are you maybe calmer about it, or does it Is is that response changed?
Allen [00:07:17]:
Yeah. So it’s I would say it’s changed because I’ve Proven to myself over and over and over again that a trigger is temporary. When before being more unconscious, I’m very reactive. In a trigger response, you kind of can’t see the light at at the end of the tunnel, and you think it’s just gonna take over. But now, I’ve proven that I can work through triggers, whether by myself or with The help of other people or whatever it may be, just some daily practices. But it it doesn’t feel like Totality. Like, it’s all going to come to an end. It’s more like, okay, this is I’m triggered right now.
Allen [00:08:02]:
Okay. What do I need? You know? Like, what, what do I need in this trigger in this moment right now? You know? It’s like, okay. And then you kinda, like, coach yourself through it. It’s it’s great.
Alexia Leachman [00:08:15]:
So so let’s rewind then. Go go back in time to when at the beginning of this story where you you mentioned 4 years ago, you’ve been really diligently pursuing this as a personal goal for you.
Allen [00:08:26]:
Mhmm.
Alexia Leachman [00:08:28]:
So What was it that was going on? I mean, what was going on for years ago? Like, what what’s the beginning that made you go, I’ve really gotta sort this out. Like, this is like, I don’t know. My life is in a situation. I’m feeling in a in a place where this has just gotta can I fix it? I I don’t know what’s gonna get like, what paint us a picture as to what was going on when you made the decision that this was really important thing for you to pursue.
Allen [00:08:50]:
Yeah. Okay. So just over 4 years ago, I, I had been working really, really hard in my marriage To keep things together. And if we finally hit a breaking point where I realized that we couldn’t just continue on the same trajectory, It just was not working out. We were not compatible, as far as that version of our relationship, Being husband and wife, we co parent now. But at that time, making that decision to co parent was extremely difficult for me. And it was just it created a whole lot of stress in the family, in our community, in, like, everything that we had built together over the, No. Half a decade together.
Allen [00:09:37]:
Right? So, I chose to Leave my marriage. Really, really difficult. Really, really hard. I actually had family members tell me that, you know, sorry, Alan. Your decision is breaking. It destroyed my family relationships, not just my marriage. Right? So it just created this wake effect to The point where I felt like I didn’t have anybody except, like, 2 really close friends. At that time when I decided to leave my marriage, I also, because of my divorce, there was a bunch of lawsuits that my Ex wife ended up putting up on all of my companies.
Allen [00:10:24]:
So all of my businesses then had had lawsuits against them, to claim equity and shares and this and that. And most of my businesses businesses had business partners, in them. And in order to protect my business partners, I had to liquidate all of the shares of my companies for pennies on the dollar to get them out of the lawsuits That were plaguing the company. So now I was left with no businesses. I sold all of my shares of all the companies that I’ve worked Or for pennies on the dollar when really I they should have been sold for much, much more bigger multiples. I had active lawsuits going on. I had, subpoenas on all my bank accounts where I couldn’t withdraw or take out any money because it was all locked down. And and I was also supporting my ex wife and my life, and there was a lot going on.
Allen [00:11:20]:
A lot of attorney I was talking to a lot of attorneys, And I was talking to a lot of judges, and really that was my life. And it was Pure chaos. I had no family. It felt like I had no family. Right? It felt like my friend group didn’t understand what was going on. I was a part of a couple communities. And because of some of, the legal drama that was going on with my businesses, a lot of my Entrepreneur community said, Alan, you know, there’s just too much happening in your life right now. Why don’t you come back, when it’s not so chaotic? So I kind of like Lost my entire community system, support system, and I was alone.
Allen [00:12:00]:
Right. And I felt very alone. I was actually talking to a really good friend of mine, telling him the story. He also got divorced, but when he got divorced, he doubled down on his business. And, like, his business ended up growing. He just poured all of his energy into that. I was like, oh, that’s really interesting. I go, wow.
Allen [00:12:25]:
When I got divorced, I couldn’t Double down into my businesses. So I was just left floating in the middle of nowhere, in just like this void And had nothing to cling onto or grasp a hold of to give me any breath of fresh air. So I just went internal and just started working on myself And just started like, okay. Well, what what’s coming up now? What do what else can I do? How else like, how can I change these patterns that brought me to this level of chaos in my life so I don’t repeat the same thing over again?
Alexia Leachman [00:13:01]:
So that I mean, that does sound like a hugely chaotic situation. So wow.
Allen [00:13:06]:
No good. No good.
Alexia Leachman [00:13:07]:
No. No. No. And so and and you did something very brave actually to go in inward And and, to to to do that kind of okay because, yes, when we have that kind of chaos going around, there is a part of us that it’s like, oh, hang on. I’ve created this on some level. So what is it about me that has brought this into my life? So so that beginning of that personal exploration, that kind of, Digging inward, how did you go about doing that? Was that a solitary thing? Did you get help? Did you talk to friends? Was it books? Like, what What helped you at the beginning of that journey?
Allen [00:13:42]:
It was a combination of all of those. I think because I didn’t have something to clamp into. Like, it can at the the the divorce was so bad, like, I didn’t even really have time with my kids because there was so We were working out the custody situation then, so, like, I couldn’t, like, pour them into my family or into my kids. The businesses I couldn’t pour into. So I was like, okay. Let me let’s figure out what what’s out there. And it was a little bit of everything. It was reading.
Allen [00:14:13]:
It was podcast. It was finding new communities, and new kind of, like, modalities and, that kind of aligned with this new journey that I was going to be embarking on. I didn’t realize that it was a new journey that I was going on. I kinda it just saw it as, like, the next progression. And maybe it was like a different fork in the road. You know? Like, oh, you could keep going this way, or here’s the fork and, you know, it’s not too far outside of the envelope, but it, like, just kind of Kept going. A big community that, that I found was out actually in Denver, Colorado. It started in Austin and then went to Denver, and it’s kinda like this, this group and I ended up starting to go to their retreats, these personal development retreats, talking with them about their, You know, journeys and, like, what, sharing my experiences internally.
Allen [00:15:17]:
So it kind of, like, created a really safe space to floor sharing the shit that I was in, along with therapists along with friends, along with journaling, and a lot of meditation. Yeah. All of that.
Alexia Leachman [00:15:35]:
So you you you basically just reached out for as much that you could find that could really try different things, See what worked, experiment. I don’t know. Just really try stuff. It’s really like, oh, I’m just gonna see anything that can help me here. Is that would that be a fair kind of Reflect. Yeah.
Allen [00:15:54]:
Yeah. In that in in in hindsight, yes. Yeah. That’s that’s exactly what I was doing. Click trying to cling to anything. Right? Yeah.
Alexia Leachman [00:16:02]:
And did you find was it at that point, was it were you able to kind of go, oh, that that feels like that’s working. Oh, no. That isn’t. Or did you not get a sense of I’m I’m just gonna keep doing all of it because it’s I would pay off eventually. Like, was there a sense that some of it was working and you were noticing something and and some of it was maybe less? Or was it just a blind faith. I’m just gonna keep going here because it’s it’s got to work. Like, where were you at on that?
Allen [00:16:26]:
Right in the beginning, I would say it was like, Let’s do everything because something’s gotta work right in the beginning. Mhmm. But because of the communities that I was starting to be involved with, and sort of the work, the interpersonal work that I was doing, and the therapist work, and the journaling, and just more of, Like this consciousness work. Like, why are we doing the things that we’re doing? I was able to ask myself early on in that process, why am I actually going Out to to this thing. Do I even wanna be doing this? Does this even feel good to me? And then I’d have, like, people friends go, why are you doing that? And I’m like, I don’t know why I’m doing that. Hold on. Like, yeah, we can kill that thing. I don’t I don’t need to just blatantly do something anymore.
Allen [00:17:11]:
So it was like The introspection work that was just coming online then of why am I doing all of this, because I never asked myself that question. Why am I doing What I’m doing, and it led me to a place of, like, not being okay. Because if you run a 100 miles an hour And not stop to ask yourself your the question of why am I actually doing this? You can go pretty far And then realized, why am I even here? So it was like a little bit of, I would say in the beginning. Just very short for a brief of time, maybe, like, 3 to 4 months of just claiming onto everything and then really just like, hold on. What does feel good to me? Does that feel good to me? Can I slow down enough to be like, hold on? Let me make let me give that a week And give that a decision. Let me actually feel into if that feels in alignment, because I didn’t really have anything else to do at that time except check-in with myself.
Alexia Leachman [00:18:13]:
Yeah. Yeah. So maybe at the beginning, it was a bit of, like, running away from the shit show that was behind you. And then when you got a little bit quite far enough away from it that you could let not feel the heat so much, you’re like, hang on a minute. I can slow down a little bit now and review some of the things I’m doing.
Allen [00:18:27]:
That’s a great analogy. Yeah. Totally.
Alexia Leachman [00:18:28]:
Oh, thank you. I I I pick it’s one of my superpowers, I think, of coming out with an analyst on the on the fly. Now what I’m just wondering with, at some point when you maybe had a little bit of a breather, Did you maybe sort of then go, actually, I wanna head over here now. Oh, emotional regulation. Yeah. I’m gonna I’m gonna go towards that, or I’m gonna go towards, Like, did you have a kind of a a goal in mind or an outcome that you had that you maybe have? I really wanna get to this point. Because because when I’m at this point, I’m gonna seal, I don’t know, better or I’ll I’ll I don’t know. Was there some some some markers in the sand that you were maybe aiming for? This probably could identify.
Allen [00:19:08]:
I wouldn’t say that there was markers in the sand. There wasn’t markers. There was more like exploration. That’s kind of I kinda felt like I was excavating.
Alexia Leachman [00:19:20]:
Nice.
Allen [00:19:20]:
And, like, that’s really what it feels like. It’s like, oh, well, like, Do I even know who I am? When you pull back this layer, I was like, oh my gosh. That’s me? I I had no idea that I did that. Oh my god. And the way that that was installed and programmed, like, Of course, it all makes like, it was like this fun game of exploration of, like, can I get to learn who I am even deeper? And, you know, like, Why do I do? Why do I do the things that I do? And, like, really exploring the way that These patterns were installed early on, kind of became the game of exploration.
Alexia Leachman [00:20:06]:
Yeah. Yeah. So do do you think you’re a little bit of a pattern expert now in terms of, you know, having, like, wrestled with your own or untangled them or kind of, like, looked at them inside out and, you know, exploration work. You kind of you’re a little bit more, knowledgeable or not knowledgeable. That sounds like the wrong word, but I don’t know. I don’t know. Like, yeah, confidence not confident. That’s also the wrong word.
Alexia Leachman [00:20:28]:
But yeah. There’s some wisdom. Go on. Yeah. Throw them in with your idea.
Allen [00:20:31]:
Some some wisdom? Wisdom. There’s some wisdom. Like, why are we like, oh, I see you doing something. That pattern keeps playing out. Yeah. Yeah.
Alexia Leachman [00:20:43]:
I can come a mile away. Like, once you’ve kind of got that, you’ve done that inner work. I think you can just see it so much more clearly in others.
Allen [00:20:51]:
Yes.
Alexia Leachman [00:20:52]:
Then, and then the trick is then just keeping quiet if they’re not interested in knowing about their their routine.
Allen [00:20:58]:
Yeah. The big thing is waiting for the invite. Don’t yeah.
Alexia Leachman [00:21:01]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Allen [00:21:02]:
Wait for the invite. Yeah. You don’t wanna just start I I see this thing that doesn’t really work out too well. Yeah. Sounds to me like you’ve sounds to me like you’ve done that a number of times.
Alexia Leachman [00:21:14]:
Well, I I’ve I’ve learned a long time ago to stop doing that, and I will not wade in with my thoughts on, as somebody that kind of clears lots of people’s head trash. If people want my help doing that, then they need to come and ask me because I will not volunteer that information now. Mhmm.
Allen [00:21:33]:
But that’s also one beauty of, like, having a calm, Regulated nervous system [self-regulation] is like someone can be doing something, and it doesn’t even affect you at all. So you could just sit there with your mouth closed and be like, oh, yeah. There they are.
Alexia Leachman [00:21:45]:
Yeah. Yeah. I like I like driving into a ditch, and I’m and I’m fine with that. I don’t feel the need to go wrestle the steering wheel off them and steer them out of the way.
Allen [00:21:53]:
Yeah. You know, it’s it’s really changed a lot of my relationships, especially with, like, old family members, Where it’s like, I don’t really appreciate their behavior, or how they show up, but I can appreciate them. And then I just, like, don’t take it personally that they’re behaving a certain way. It’s like, oh, yeah. I just see, like, how your patterns unfolded, and these are now coping mechanisms. And, like, I actually have a lot more compassion for where you are in your life journey, And that’s okay. And I don’t need to change you or, like, want you to be different. And if you’re willing to show up to the conversation and We could talk about it? Sure.
Allen [00:22:36]:
Absolutely. But I don’t need you to change for me.
Alexia Leachman [00:22:40]:
Yeah. So I think that’s a huge one, To be honest, that that when you can get to that level, especially with people that your friend your family, your close friends, to not kind of have this compulsion to want to go in and help them to be help them, fix them, heal them, rescue them, whatever that that that That archetype is, you know, that kind of wades in. So tell them to sit there and just allow that this Damaging pattern that may need to be playing out. You can just see where it’s gonna you can see where it’s gonna end, and you’re like, this is really sad and hard for me to watch, but I Mhmm. It’s not my place to say. It’s not my place to get involved. I’ve been wrestling with some of that recently where it’s like, yeah. I’m just gonna I’ve just gotta hold this.
Alexia Leachman [00:23:19]:
This is me dealing with me wanting I’m not I’m not gonna wade in, but it’s hard when you’re watching somebody with these patterns that aren’t healthy, that aren’t serving them to
Allen [00:23:30]:
to
Alexia Leachman [00:23:30]:
not say anything. I I it’s not an easy one, that one for me. I think if you could achieve that, You deserve a couple medals on your right arm for that one, I think. Thanks.
Allen [00:23:39]:
Yeah. Yeah. And it still doesn’t it still doesn’t mean that, like, I don’t get sad when my feelings get hurt because they’re showing up a certain way. It’s I’m not, like, void of emotion. Like, I still have my feelings around it. Yeah. But it’s more it’s a more removed place of of just honouring both of us. Like, honouring my feelings in it and also honouring them in their process of where they’re at.
Allen [00:24:06]:
So it’s it’s just allows for both of us to be held.
Alexia Leachman [00:24:10]:
Yeah. Brilliant. Mhmm. And I’m just wondering, at the things that you did early on or maybe not early on because it’s it’s a 4 year journey to self-regulation. So I’m just wondering what what worked really well for you? Like, was there a sequence of things about when you started this, and then then it became this. And then then you were kinda grew into doing that, and then you outgrew that, and then you tried this. I mean, what kind of you know, out Out of all things that you did, there’s some things that have been accompanied you the whole way. Because, actually, there’s been certain things that have been really good for you just stuck with that one thing, or Has there been a a mishmash or a I don’t know.
Alexia Leachman [00:24:40]:
Like, what what’s it looked like for you in terms of things that have really moved the needle and helped you to really change how you feel?
Allen [00:24:47]:
Yeah. There’s been a ton. So many. So, like, it I would consider this. Okay. What’s the best example that I can give you here? Okay. So when when, like, embarking on something like this, There’s there’s a destination. Right? There’s there’s some vague destination.
Allen [00:25:10]:
But think of this more as like a journey, And think of self-regulation as like learning a new language. So learning a new language, 1st, you need to understand the words, and and, like, things start compounding on one another. So then once you understand the words, then you can sentences. And then when you can formulate sentences, then you can go out into the environment and probably have a a Conversation. And then once you’re having a conversation, then you can be, like, more immersed in the culture of wherever you are having speaking that language. So, like, there’s Baby steps to, like, crawling, to, like, walking, and then, like, then you’re just an active participant in this dialogue. So think of it like that, like learning a new language. And also with learning a new language, you’re not gonna pick it up on day 1.
Allen [00:26:03]:
It’s gonna take Effort. It’s gonna take probably a lot of, you know, trial and error. And, like, you’ll mispronounce things, and people won’t understand you, and, like, you won’t understand yourself. And, like so, So, like, just be gentle. You’re learning a new language. And, also, what’s the best way to learn a new language? Immerse yourself in it. Yeah. Like, start trying different things on.
Allen [00:26:28]:
Just start trying different things and different ways to Keep cultivating that language, will help reinforce it over and over again. So for me, what I found is, like, having daily practices that allow you to slow down. What I’ve realized is, like, A lot of our life well, first off, society is not set up for people to be in a proactive state. Society, culture is designed for people to be in a reactive state. And when you’re in a reactive state, You’re you cannot slow down enough to make choices on how you want to show up in life. So you’re essentially moving through life on autopilot. What you want to do is start slowing things down so you can be more in choice with how you choose to show up to different things. So some things that have worked really well for me are daily practices like meditation.
Allen [00:27:30]:
I’ve been meditating for a very long time, but I realized that once, once it allowed me to get faculties and, like, bring homeostasis back, It that was like, oh, okay. Hold on. Rather than clear my mind, how can I clear my emotions, Thoughts, feelings so I can show up in a neutral place and have more choice in how do I wanna show up here? So So meditation’s a big one. The other, another one is okay. So, like, when I had all of all of these attorney calls and judge calls and, like, stuff like that and, Show up to, like, craziness. There’s a there’s a device called the Apollo Neuro. It’s a wearable, and it’s like a little watch that you put on your wrist, or on your ankle, and you control it with your smartphone. And that device will send little pulses to your body, and it will actually help regulate and calm your nervous system for you.
Allen [00:28:36]:
So a couple of the different things that they have on the app is, like, do you want coffee? Like, it’ll actually energize you, to keep you focused for, like, the second half of your day, or it’ll help you fall asleep because it’ll, like, calm you down, or it’ll help you With stress, and that was, like, a big one. I just had that thing on stress mode and cranked that thing up to 10. It was just like okay. Just like, calming myself down. But, really, what what that is helping you do is Remember what a calm nervous system actually feels like? Because when we are born, most times, Sometimes, depending on the uterus that you’re growing in. You can you a baby is Essentially calm. Right? It’s through living in stress and stimulus and environmental circumstances That it jacks the nervous system up, and that’s how we create those patterns and beliefs and everything like that. So remembering what a Calm nervous system feels like is really important.
Allen [00:29:48]:
So, like, another thing that I did, these communities that I would, go to, we would sit in ceremony, and we would take, substance. And this substance would allow us to get into a harm harmonious state. So, there’s dozens and dozens and dozens of these, communities out there. I found something that was very light and very gentle. I would consider it, like, psychosomatic, not psychedelic. It’s not, it’s not like an Ayahuasca or anything like that. But it’s more just like calming, peaceful presence. And then we would talk about, like, hey, what came up? What happened? What like, tell me about your experience integrating that experience, and, essentially, like, helping you realize patterns to create new maps for yourself internally.
Allen [00:30:50]:
Trying to think what else. Journaling’s a big one. Oh, you know what a big one was for me? You wouldn’t know, like, probably a a huge one. Having a partner having a partner hold me in my shit.
Alexia Leachman [00:31:06]:
Oh, huge. That was that
Allen [00:31:07]:
was a huge one. Yeah. That, like, having someone just be neutral as I was Thrashing around and not, like just, like, flopping and flailing and, like, not being okay. Like, and just, like, hold me in, like, energetically, physically, mentally, emotionally, like, when I say hold, in all those areas.
Alexia Leachman [00:31:30]:
Yeah.
Allen [00:31:31]:
And just, like, really just like, okay. I can work through this, But not helping me get anywhere. Just holding me in it and just being a present source of just presence to allow me to get through those triggers, those rough thoughts and then re remind helping me remind myself that I can do it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. That was a big one.
Alexia Leachman [00:31:53]:
Yeah. I mean, has she had training for that? I mean, that’s a that’s a special skill, isn’t it? A lot hold somebody
Allen [00:32:00]:
It really is.
Alexia Leachman [00:32:00]:
That. You know? I mean, there are therapists that can’t do that, and that’s their job. Right? Yeah. So, you know, you are a very lucky man.
Allen [00:32:07]:
Mhmm. I’m the luckiest man on planet Earth. I swear to god I am. I Swear to god, I am the luckiest man on planet Earth. I know it too.
Alexia Leachman [00:32:17]:
Yeah. Because having that somebody to hold up space is Is that that’s where transformation takes place when you have the safety of that space that you can be in.
Allen [00:32:25]:
Yeah. Yeah. And cultivating safety and trust in that in in the relationship. Having friends that you can call. Mhmm. And here’s a here’s a trick. Like, I’ve had friends call me, and I call them. But, like, How often do you get a friend and, like, you you call them up and you’re like, hey, blah blah blah, and you’re like sharing with them the stress of the day.
Allen [00:32:45]:
My kids did this and blah blah blah. I had I had to pick him up from school and, like, I don’t know. Like, school got canceled. I don’t know. I had this big deadline at work. You know, it’s like you name it. Right? You got a friend that you and they’ll come back at you and they’ll be like, well, what about this and what about that? And sometimes we don’t need advice.
Alexia Leachman [00:33:08]:
Yeah.
Allen [00:33:09]:
We just need a listening ear. So it’s actually been it’s become like a shorthand when someone, like, calls, and it’s like, Oh, hey. Real quick for this conversation. Do you just need do I just need to listen, or are you looking for advice? And and just like that simple question will just reshape how that person is feeling supported in that moment.
Alexia Leachman [00:33:36]:
Yeah. Because a lot of people just assume they that that they’re being called for advice and for help to fix these situations. They launch straight into that. Without checking first, so that might be what what you need. Mhmm. Because often, it is just a question of verbalizing your day, expressing it, getting out of your system. Because often when you’ve been through, like, a shitty day and you just need to talk it through, just the talking it through, when it kind of changes form from this experience that you’ve lived So now I’m now choosing words to describe this experience, and I’m putting these words that I’ve chosen into a sentence. And now I’ve heard it.
Alexia Leachman [00:34:12]:
I’m like, No. No. No. That wasn’t it. I need to come up with a new sentence. Oh, then that word’s not right. Oh, and, actually, that processing that you’re going through in expressing your Experience is part of the that’s the work, and you need somebody to just be there that that can be on the receiving end of you just spewing this verbal stuff
Allen [00:34:32]:
Yes.
Alexia Leachman [00:34:32]:
And not interrupt you or not go, oh, I heard that. That happened to me yesterday, and let me tell you about my experience. No. No. No. No. No. Shut up.
Alexia Leachman [00:34:40]:
I just need you to
Allen [00:34:44]:
Yeah. Totally. Yeah. It’s like you you can’t even finish the What you wanted to explain or, like, get out, and they’re already cutting you off to, like, tell you about this time that they’ve already Work through it. And it’s like, wait a second. Hold on.
Alexia Leachman [00:34:57]:
Yeah. But that has such an impact, doesn’t it? When you’ve been, like, cut cut in your flow, suddenly, you just don’t feel like you can continue with this kind of Release of what you’re going through because you you just know it’s not gonna be received in the way that it needs to be received, and that really kind of stifles our own you You know, then you come and come away from that conversation feeling like you haven’t really let that thing go that you needed to let go of.
Allen [00:35:18]:
Mhmm.
Alexia Leachman [00:35:18]:
So, you know, one of the things I I I I held a conversation that I did Live a couple of days ago about this, about holding space and what that means and being present. And when people when we I think with this current the culture that we’re in now with, like like, you know, TikTok and instant gratification and needing to get to the point in 20 seconds, otherwise your video won’t get to the feed and and, you know, this kind of Very, fast paced. There isn’t this we’re just not used to, 1, communicating to real people and having actual conversations. You know? Because lockdown I mean, I I was just thinking that your whole experience happened. Well, there was a COVID situation going on in the background with everything that’s going on to you, which I imagine help
Allen [00:35:57]:
a thing.
Alexia Leachman [00:35:58]:
Added a whole new layer of fun to everything. Oh my
Allen [00:36:02]:
gosh. Yeah. So yeah. Came out in 20 like, got broke free of my marriage in 2019 and then right into Yeah. Everything. Just the whole world shut down. Like, so Yeah. Yeah.
Allen [00:36:16]:
Disastrous.
Alexia Leachman [00:36:18]:
No. That was that was that was I’m not adding a whole new, but that that whole Spiritually, everybody needs it. We we
Allen [00:36:22]:
Well, for everyone. Beautiful. For everyone.
Alexia Leachman [00:36:25]:
Same way.
Allen [00:36:26]:
Yeah. So, you know, what’s really interesting about that is, like, I think that’s perpetuating a lot of, the feelings, that are going on in in the world right now. I’ve heard I’ve heard this a couple times from a couple different people that that that, COVID, the lockdowns, was labeled like secondary trauma, but it was triggering everybody’s primary trauma. So now everyone is in lockdown, fully activated in PTSD first Trauma responses. And, like, talk about not regulated nervous systems.
Alexia Leachman [00:37:07]:
No. I know.
Allen [00:37:08]:
Everything’s all jacked up.
Alexia Leachman [00:37:10]:
And then then no wonder where where we are today.
Allen [00:37:12]:
Yes.
Alexia Leachman [00:37:13]:
Having had that backdrop where everybody’s in this kind of and they’re not real and then you got this mass PTSD happening on a collective Leedev, level
Allen [00:37:20]:
Yep.
Alexia Leachman [00:37:21]:
Where people are still playing out, and you and and they’ve been you know? And yeah. And and what’s going on as a result of that is is is Hardly surprising that we’re facing what we’re facing today. And so having I think turning going inward to do this kind of self working digging into some of these traumas.
Allen [00:37:40]:
You know,
Alexia Leachman [00:37:40]:
you talked about it, awoken or it triggered primary trauma. So as part of your journey, did you kind of Go trauma digging. Did you kind of head head into the, the abyss of the trauma land and start maybe digging through some of yours? Is that Is that part of your journey as well?
Allen [00:37:57]:
Yeah. It it was. I, the the term that we call it, we, Ash, my wife and I, we call it as trauma hunting.
Alexia Leachman [00:38:08]:
Oh, definitely. I love it. Yeah.
Allen [00:38:09]:
We go we go trauma hunting. But the thing the We don’t want to actually go with trauma hunting. Early on, I went trauma hunting, because trauma, creates blind spots, and then, trauma also creates patterns. Trauma also creates belief systems. Trauma also creates your reality, how you’re operating in the world. So If you’re on an internal or consciousness journey or introspect doing some introspection, sure. Looking at your trauma is is necessary, because behind that trauma, you’ll find your power, you’ll find, different patterns to be broken, You’ll find belief structures that you didn’t even know were there, called blind spots. Oh, yeah.
Allen [00:39:03]:
You’ll you’ll find a lot behind trauma. So, a a lot of my work has been heal healing some of my primary trauma.
Alexia Leachman [00:39:13]:
Yeah. Okay. And was some of that from, was that because the way I look at trauma is there’s there’s the traumas that we’re aware of that we’ve been through in our lives so we can kinda go, oh, yeah. I had that shitty experience when I was whatever. But then there’s lots of the un the unconscious traumas, the ones that maybe you experienced before you had conscious memories under the age of 5, for And then there are those that maybe experienced in utero. So your mother would have experienced a more and you and so you experience that vicariously through her. There’s Ancestral trauma. You’ve got the the memories of that trauma from your lineage that are just within your DNA.
Alexia Leachman [00:39:47]:
You know? And and if you believe in past life and you have past life trauma. So, I mean, there’s a lot to go at when we start looking at trauma. So I’m just wondering, Out of all that, did well, where did did you kind of look for all of it? Did you go trauma hunting everywhere, or did you kinda stick in certain trauma zones? I don’t know. How was how How was your trauma hunting trip for you?
Allen [00:40:05]:
I’m I’m I’m so glad that you just labeled all those. You just gave me free reign to talk about all
Alexia Leachman [00:40:10]:
of them. Oh, yes. You can talk about galactic trauma as well if you want because that has been also a thing that I’ve had clients bring to.
Allen [00:40:16]:
That’s the first I I have not heard of galactic trauma.
Alexia Leachman [00:40:20]:
I’ve coined the name, so So that’s my term. But it’s trauma’s experience on on on other planets. So I I didn’t know that that was a thing until this client asked me to test for it for her. Yes. And I think she did have that.
Allen [00:40:32]:
Okay.
Alexia Leachman [00:40:33]:
So now I test that in all my clients, and it’s remarkable how often It comes back as being that they have got galactic trauma going on.
Allen [00:40:41]:
Mhmm.
Alexia Leachman [00:40:41]:
So that but that’s a whole other episode, so let’s not get distracted by galactic
Allen [00:40:46]:
No. That’s fine. Alright. But let’s let’s definitely keep talking about that after this. You know? I I’m interested. Yeah. Yes. So all of those traumas, I have looked at, and I’ve explored, and I’ve Worked really, really hard on reshaping, reshaping those traumas.
Allen [00:41:11]:
It’s really interesting once you start going down those those paths, like the ancestral trauma. It’s a real thing. People don’t it is a real thing. Everybody has it, and I’m like, oh my gosh. How come no one’s teaching this stuff? What is going on? And, clearly, you are, but, like, the book, it didn’t start with you. Once you’ve read that book, oh my gosh. Realizing that trauma is stored in our DNA and all of that. So, yeah, trauma in utero.
Allen [00:41:44]:
I’ve experienced that. So my mom had cancer when she was 7 years old. And, was When
Alexia Leachman [00:41:50]:
she was 7?
Allen [00:41:51]:
When she was 7.
Alexia Leachman [00:41:53]:
Okay?
Allen [00:41:54]:
And back then, they did like, they they didn’t have, like, pinpointed radiation. They just cooked your entire body. Right? Oh, gotcha. So I grew in a uterus that was, like, radiated on.
Alexia Leachman [00:42:08]:
Oh, gosh.
Allen [00:42:09]:
And my own like, I’ve had, my own belief structures in there that, like, massive amounts of fear that was also my mother’s. My own fear of being born into this world, in this environment, and then also, like, the beliefs of, like, Life is death and, like because it started out so early that it was kind of like death for her. So Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Yeah. Impactful stuff.
Alexia Leachman [00:42:41]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. I mean, the the when you when you start digging into the in utero trauma and then and then the your own birth experience, Like, how you would have experienced your own birth is is hugely. I mean, that sets up emotional patterns that a lot of people maybe don’t appreciate. It’s not like whether or not you’re a C section baby. You know, this where you have habits of being pulled out of situations because you haven’t got that ability to initiate yourself compared to a vaginal birth.
Alexia Leachman [00:43:02]:
So So even when it goes into the mode of your arrival
Allen [00:43:06]:
Yes.
Alexia Leachman [00:43:07]:
Can set up emotional blueprints for life, you know, that you don’t, I mean, these are all just rich with you know, when you’re hunting for trauma and hunting for your head trash Mhmm. Your experience, Conception, your birth are just rich pickings for
Allen [00:43:22]:
Yeah.
Alexia Leachman [00:43:22]:
Stuff that but because we haven’t got conscious recollections of it, it can feel a little bit like you’re wading through the dark. You’re like, I’m in a cave. I’m hitting walls. I’m hitting things on the floor, but I don’t know what the hell I’m hitting. But there’s there’s definitely stuff here. Just wish I knew what it was. I don’t know. Like, In terms of your own experience of digging through all of that, did you have were you able to get some clarity about what some of those traumas were and draw the link back to how that manifested in your behavioral or I mean, maybe it’s still a work in progress.
Alexia Leachman [00:43:50]:
I don’t know. Have you got anything that you can share with us about your experience of diving into some of that stuff?
Allen [00:43:56]:
Yeah. So, probably, like, the biggest the one that kind of, like, coincides with everything that we just talked about on on this show. So I was really neglected as a child, kind of just, like, left alone. Not much not much care, nurturance, mirroring, compassion and just a whole not a lot of energy was spent Mhmm. Towards me. And That, experience created a belief that I must be bad since nobody will spend time with me, Since I’m all alone, I must be a bad person. That belief anchored that early on, and I’m talking, like, really early. That belief that was anchored early on created a persona of me being a villain So that I can go and prove to people that I was good.
Allen [00:45:04]:
So my default was villain. My actions were to prove that I was good.
Alexia Leachman [00:45:11]:
Okay.
Allen [00:45:11]:
Don’t you see how good I’m doing? Don’t you see How how big of an impact I’m making? Don’t you see how big of a provider I am? Don’t you see how, Like, it was a very big proving having to prove, improve, improving energy, but to prove that I was good Because I believed deep down that I was bad. Yeah.
Alexia Leachman [00:45:33]:
So the villain energy was feeding your behavior.
Allen [00:45:36]:
Yep. Correct. So then when I finally chose to leave a marriage that wasn’t serving me or my children, knowing that I wasn’t showing up fully In while being in that relationship that I can only show up fully by being out of that relationship, guess what everyone projected on me?
Alexia Leachman [00:45:55]:
Oh, you’re the villain now. Finally, you’ve achieved villain status.
Allen [00:46:00]:
Yes. Yeah. And I’m like, but wait. Hold on. Can anybody not see all the good? Nope. Dylan. Dylan. So it was literally screaming in my face.
Alexia Leachman [00:46:12]:
Wow.
Allen [00:46:13]:
The unconscious belief that I had integrated and or started at such a young age. And it worked. What What helped is me integrating that belief structure of, like, why it started, how it started, where, like And then finding compassion for that version of me that didn’t actually get the, Any love.
Alexia Leachman [00:46:41]:
Right? Yeah.
Allen [00:46:42]:
No. And love, really, from that young age and, like, having so much, Just sorrow for him. Right? Sore like, oh, man. If that was my child, what I would do, the amount of love that I would pour into that little boy, you know, and really healing and reshaping that pattern of trauma so that it so that my villain didn’t come out sideways.
Alexia Leachman [00:47:07]:
Yeah. So So you mentioned villain, which is an archetype. Right? Yes. So I just wondered whether you kind of dabbled in archetypes because I’m looking at, like, healing through archetypes types in identifying the archetypes within us and healing using that as a way to focus your healing efforts because I like to be super efficient and effective in my approach not like to waste time. And the great thing about an archetype is it’s like a package of ready made patterns
Allen [00:47:30]:
Mhmm.
Alexia Leachman [00:47:30]:
And conflicts and beliefs. You know, the villain It’s already like, the victim’s got a a ready made packet. You know? So a lot of us resonate with a lot of key archetypes. In Caroline Mace, She says this, we all have the 4 survival archetypes, which is just child, the prostitute, the saboteur, the victim. So we’ve all manifest that to some degree. And so We all do. We have Exactly. So I just wonder because you brought out, Dylan, whether you’ve been exploring archetypes.
Alexia Leachman [00:47:55]:
Has this been part of your journey, or is that did did you just say that just on a whim just now?
Allen [00:48:00]:
I haven’t actively been, been diving into archetypes, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t look at them and explore them. So a book that I’m reading right now is, King, warrior, man, what is it? Do you know it off the top of your head?
Alexia Leachman [00:48:24]:
It’s king, warrior, but just coming to my mind is about Women with wolves. Now you’re going king warrior, so it’s clearly intended. No. No.
Allen [00:48:31]:
No. It’s definitely not that. No. It’s about, it’s about, the masculine child, and how there’s, there’s 4 of them, and each one has a, I would say a fully integrated side. And then, each one has a shadow side. Yeah. And how they show up, determines, You know, behaviors
Alexia Leachman [00:48:57]:
Yeah.
Allen [00:48:57]:
How they operate, how people perceive them in the world. Yeah.
Alexia Leachman [00:49:00]:
Yeah. It can be hugely insightful to dig into types I found, and some of my clients are really they find that incredibly useful. So it sounds like the villain. I mean, also, when you’ve identified this in yourself, I think that can really Give you very huge insights. So many things just start falling into place, and and and and some moments. Because what I love about the healing journey, I don’t know about you, are those insights And those are moments. You’re like, oh my goodness. That’s why I do that.
Alexia Leachman [00:49:25]:
Right? And sometimes that’s all you need, isn’t it, to just go, You know what? I’m gonna let that go. I do not need that anymore. Thank you for that insight, and now I’m putting it in. Did you find the going on?
Allen [00:49:37]:
Yes. So what what I find, what you’re what you’re sharing is, like, it allows you to, one, put language to something that you That’s so just like you can’t grasp. Right? Yeah. It’s like nebulous. Language to it, and it’s like, oh, that makes so much sense. Now I have a dialogue around this And now that I have a dialogue around this thing, I can now have awareness. And through just the awareness can just create massive change. Yeah.
Allen [00:50:06]:
Huge.
Alexia Leachman [00:50:06]:
Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Huge. I’m just conscious of time, Alan, because we feel I I feel like we could talk for a long time, so I’m just obviously super interested in your healing journey. So Sorry. I was just gonna need to try and wrap this up a little bit.
Alexia Leachman [00:50:17]:
So, so and this journey that so so now when you you’re you’re in a place where you feel like you’ve Obviously, you’re still a work in progress as we all are, but you’ve reached a place where you you feel all you know, I I can at least announce this on Facebook that I feel like I’ve achieved a good level of Nervous system regulation
Allen [00:50:33]:
Yeah. I wouldn’t I wouldn’t have done yeah. Totally. Yes.
Alexia Leachman [00:50:37]:
So, so so when you where, You know, at the beginning, you mentioned I’m on now. I I’m not getting triggered as easily. I can just kinda, like, just stay calm at all. You know, what what does your what do your practices look like today. Like, do you have you parked a lot of them? Are you, like, still doing some of them? Like, what’s it look like as part of your your work in progress Versch. You know, the the the ongoing work that you want to continue doing in terms of developing and continue to raise your consciousness because it sounds like you’re on that consciousness raising journey.
Allen [00:51:06]:
Is it
Alexia Leachman [00:51:06]:
would that be fair to say you’ve mentioned the word consciousness a few times? So as you’re continuing on that journey, what’s that look like for you today?
Allen [00:51:12]:
Yeah. So daily and weekly, it’d be meditation. I have a, a daily journal that I use to kind of, like, pull pull me back to presence, and help me integrate a lot of the things that I’m working on, that a lot of that we’ve talked about here on on this call. That being, like, My own belief structures, how I’m re reshaping what I’m working on internally, and how that internally. I take, some daily supplements that that Help me calm my nervous system. What else do I do? I have calls With friends, we have meetings. We meet up, like, every 6 weeks, and sit together and kind of, like, talk about What’s coming up for us and what we’re working on and, like, having a community of support has been I I have not let that one go. And, especially, I think I think community is what’s missing, like, in in for a lot of people.
Allen [00:52:25]:
And I feel so honored to have that in my life, Especially because we were torn away from community with the shutdowns and everything. Mhmm. That really cultivating, true sense of belonging in a true community and a true tribe that can see you for you, in With warts and all. Right? So, like, no one’s perfect. Right? Like Yeah.
Alexia Leachman [00:52:48]:
Yeah.
Allen [00:52:48]:
With warts and all, is has been really, really beautiful.
Alexia Leachman [00:52:53]:
Brilliant. Well, Alan, thank you so much for being so honest and open about your journey. It’s been really brilliant. I’ve really enjoyed chatting this through with you.
Allen [00:53:02]:
Thank you for asking the questions.
Alexia Leachman [00:53:03]:
That’s okay. And if anybody wants started, like, what? We didn’t well, we talk very much about your inner work. We don’t really talk about your your actual work, Your your baby, the way that if people know I don’t know. Do you want to be found and hunted down online for what you do? And if you do, would you like to tell us where we can find you, but if you don’t
Allen [00:53:20]:
You know, I’m a I’m a little nerve to be honest, I’m a little nervous to to put myself out there online.
Alexia Leachman [00:53:27]:
You don’t have to.
Allen [00:53:27]:
No. Because, like, because, like, who who am I? Right? Like, who is it? But I think, I think I have I know that I have, a big thing coming up in in, January of 2024, so after the new year. Going to be pushing a little bit further out into the interwebs. Oh. If any, Yeah. If anyone wants to get on, like, a pre list with that or if you’re listening to this afterwards, like, we’d love to have you. They can find me at divineleader.io.
Alexia Leachman [00:54:06]:
Okay. Well, I’ll put the link in the show notes for this episode. So thank you, Alan, for joining me today. It’s been brilliant.
Allen [00:54:13]:
Thank you so much for having me. I’ve I’ve really enjoyed this conversation.
Alexia Leachman [00:54:19]:
You’ve just been listening
Alexia Leachman [00:54:20]:
to me, Alexia, here on the Head Trash Show. If you’d like to join me on your self healing journey, then let me invite you to join my clearance Club. This is my self healing community and membership where I provide you with everything you need to clear your head trash and heal your wounds. And every month, we come together for support on the group call. To find out more, head over to clearyourheadtrash.comforward/club. Until next time. Bye
Allen [00:54:47]:
for now.
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