Why you struggle making a life change

Can you relate to this?

You decide that you’re going to make some kind of change in your life and then you never quite get started. Or at least, you make all the right noises, and you prepare in ALL THE WAYS, but when it comes to actually starting Doing The Thing… you don’t.

I see this a lot with people who come to me when they’ve decided they want to clear their head trash. They get all excited about making a start. Perhaps they’ve read the book and think “Oh wow! This seems so easy! I’m going to try this!”

Well, when I say ‘excited’ perhaps I mean simply that they decide that they’re going to give it a go. Some people are excited about this… but maybe not everyone. Personally, I think getting excited about healing your shadows is great. But I get that not everyone feels that way.

Do you start out with the very best intentions?

There are many people who start out with the very best intentions. I think this is something we can all relate to… especially when it comes to new diets or exercise regimes, or quitting drinking or smoking.

You buy the things.
… the book, the app, the kit.

You sign up for things.
You join the gym or sign up for the classes or the app.

You seek help to get started.
… the personal trainer who comes up with your exercise plan
… the nutritionist who writes out your meal plans

You come up with a plan.
And not just any plan…. but a Plan with a capital P. You write it out, you get your diary involved. And you use colours.

For all intents and purposes, this is happening.

Some perceptive soul might even say that you’ve spent way too much time up front and that all you need to do is just START. But you’re not even up to listening to that kind of nonsense. You need to prepare and get everything ready. Doh!

Then nothing!

And then for some reason… nothing happens beyond that.

This is what I see with people who tell me that they REALLY want to clear their head trash.

They do All. The. Things. But, they never quite get round to taking the first critical step: doing a clearance.

LINK TO BLOG: What is a clearance?

So, they might do things like…

  • Write out lists of things they want to clear
  • Sign up for one of my online courses or my membership, the Clearance Club
  • Hire me to identify their personalised clearance list

They might even sign up for private one-to-one work with me.

Then the excuses

If I’m in contact with them, then I’ll touch base with them to see how things are going and where they’re at.

And I get a barrage of excuses. In their mind, these are all perfectly reasonable excuses. Things like;

“Things have been hectic. I haven’t really had the time.”
“My best friend needed me to help her move.”
“My grandma was ill.”

But really there’s something else going on.

Behind these excuses are some very valid fears.

The excuses are masking fears

These excuses are masking some fears. Fears like;

What if I mess up?
What if it doesn’t work?
What if I do it wrong?
What if I make a mistake?
What if I fail?

If you take these fears and apply them to exercising or weight loss (or indeed any other things you’re trying to start), they still make sense.

That’s because these are fears that show up elsewhere in their lives, and are probably responsible for them feeling stuck there too. They don’t move forward because these fears are blocking them.

Quite simply, if these fears weren’t there, they probably would have done The Thing already. Whether that’s a clearance or some other thing in their life.

Thankfully, this is a really simple one to resolve.

These low level fears are easy to deal with

All of these low-level fears can be tackled with Head Trash Clearance.

If clearing your head trash is The Thing you’re trying to do, then FANTASTIC! You’ve just identified the first thing you need to clear.

If you have ambitious plans for a great new project that seems to be stalling. DITTO!

Whatever excuses or fears that are standing in your way is EXACTLY what you need to do a clearance on.

I realise that we could be back at square one here if we’re not careful, and be stuck in an eternal loop. Especially if your plan is to clear your head trash.

But this knowledge alone could be all you need to get unstuck.

Realising that you have these pesky fears that block you at every turn, can be a huge AHA moment.

Once you’re armed with this insight, you can ramp up on your willpower and push on through.

But, sometimes the fears we have are just too strong for us to overcome on our own. We need other people to help us.

How to finally get unstuck and get going

Turning to other people to help us is not at all surprising, but perhaps it’s not in the way that you think,

Getting other people to help us is not always about hiring the professional kick-butter. Sometimes the best way to get going is to surround yourself with other people JUST LIKE YOU who are trying to DO THE SAME AS YOU.

Getting in a group like this can unleash a secret super power that you might not realise you have.

Well, actually it’s more fears LOL.

  • Fear of being left behind
  • Fear of letting other people down
  • Fear of being judged (for being a total slacker)
  • Fear of missing out

Pitting one set of fears against another

The trick here is pitching one set of fears against another. The stronger fears will win. And in most cases these fears will tend to be stronger. This is because they’re about social status and belonging, and how others perceive us.

We can’t help it. Most of us are obsessed about how others see us. I bet you are are to some degree. In situations like this you will do whatever it takes to stay in the gang and not get left behind.

This is what makes group classes and group programs so powerful. Often we do the Thing just because we don’t want to get humiliated next time we’re among our peers and we get asked what we did. Or we don’t want to sit there and hear how far everyone has got, when we haven’t moved forward.

In this case, our fear of humiliation or being left out, won over our fear of getting it wrong.

Taking some time to reflect on why you might be getting stuck might just help you to get unstuck.

And you might find that the solution isn’t where you expect it to be. Who would have thought that pitting one set of fears against another could be what it takes to get you unstuck?

 

Are you getting stuck with making a start clearing your head trash?

Joining one of my Head Trash Clear-Out groups might just be what gets you going.

Yes you could start by doing the things I mention above, but if you’ve tried that and still haven’t made any progress, then perhaps joining a group of others doing the same as you , could be the perfect solution for you.

The Head Trash Clear-Out is a 5-week group programme that takes place a few times a year.

Alexia Leachman
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